It's been a while since I consciously decided to hop on the scale free train.
I am not saying that this is something that everyone should do. I know that having a healthy relationship with the scale is 100% doable but in my case, this is what has worked best for me.
For many years, I had a very close relationship with the scale. I would look forward to weighing myself every.single.day no matter what. I would weigh myself naked as soon as I woke up and if I wasn't home or didn't have the chance to weight myself for any particular reason, I would freak out. Anxiety would creep up and I felt out of control. I NEEDED to know.
And then when I did manage to weigh myself, the outcome was always the same. I either weighed in more than the day before, which made me feel terrible about myself and ashamed. Or I weighed in less than the day before, which made me feel triumphant for a second but then right away that feeling would be replaced by invasive fear. How could I continue to make that number go down? What if I couldn't make it go down anymore? Both situations were an attack to my self worth and none provided me with any good.
When I was at my lightest I was miserable. I was hiding my health conditions to the people I loved the most and I wasn't living life. I was insecure, hungry, mad, unhealthy, afraid and not myself. Being skinny does not provide fulfillment or happiness. This reads simple but I had to write it down since I know so many girls out there have it as their main goal: to be skinny.
After being in treatment, I had heard about a lot of recovered girls letting go of the scale. I pretended like I didn't hear any of them. How could I live without knowing how much I weighed? No way. Of course this isn't even about weight or a number it's about a strong sense of control that comes with many of us struggling with eating disorders. I didn't feel ready but I knew that in the end. it would be best for me to just go for it. And ironically, I dropped some weight (I gained some after recovery) with the release of that scale obsession and with a new mindset of just taking care of myself and listening to my body.
Several factors have helped me stay on the scale free train. My support system being one of them. However, one of the things that really helped me make the transition was joining my first challenge group and deciding to coach. It's almost been a year and I know for a fact that I have never been healthier in my life not only physically but mentally as well. Of course I have days where I am not feeling great about myself, we all do. But I am no longer driven by shame, and my friends, that's a good life. I don't deserve to be bombarded with feelings of unworthiness. Nobody does. Being in the coaching community has helped me really learn balance and really learn to love myself for who I am. I eat healthy and workout most of the time and when I don't, it's OK! "What you do with consistency is what shapes you, not what you do from time to time."
I celebrate non scale victories these days. Some of my challengers have weight loss goals in mind of course but in the end, the non scale victories are what I have noticed have really made feel people great and most of all, empowered.
A number is nothing but a silly number. Don't let it weigh you down.